Do these 3 things to protect your parents from online dating scams

In April, Debby Montgomery Johnson, who is 60 years old, talked about being tricked by an online dating scam that cost her over $1 million. She met someone who claimed to be an “international contractor” on a dating website.

“We talked about everything, like kids. For me, it was helpful because I could write a lot more than I could say out loud,” she explained.

As they got to know each other, she started giving him money to solve “customs disputes” and “tariffs” related to his work.

“I was really involved by then. I talked to my dad, and my dad talked to my mom. They gave me $100,000, which I really regret now because they’re 84 and 89. I wish that money was still in their bank,” she said. Despite giving evidence to the FBI, Johnson couldn’t get her money back.

Last year, about 21,000 Americans were tricked by online dating scams, losing a total of $143 million. Recently, 80 scammers were charged with scams that targeted businesses and older women.

If your parent uses a dating site, make sure they don’t give out their credit card number or share phone numbers and social media accounts.

Tell them not to communicate outside of the dating website

Before your parent starts using online dating sites, make sure they know to keep all their chats on the site’s messaging system. It’s a warning sign if someone they meet tries to move the conversation to text or email too quickly.

If they share their phone number, a scammer could find their social media accounts like Instagram or Facebook. You never know how much personal info your mom might be posting there or how private her settings are.

On Reddit, a user shared a common scam: A scammer calls someone, pretending to be their grandchild who is in trouble in Canada. They ask for money to get out of jail and beg the person not to tell their parents.

Also, remind your parents not to pay for anything, give out their credit card number, or do favors for anyone they meet on these sites. It can be hard, especially if your dad thinks he’s found his perfect match on a site like OkCupid.

But it’s important to know about these warning signs, as the Federal Trade Commission advises. Here’s how you can spot someone who might be trying to scam you:

  • They say they love you very quickly.
  • They say they need money for urgent things like surgery, travel papers, or to pay off debts from gambling.
  • They ask you to send money through a wire transfer or to buy them gift cards.
  • They tell you they live in another country.
  • They plan to visit you but always have an emergency that stops them.

Tell your parent not to click on any links in their messages. These could be tricks to get their personal information, like passwords or account numbers.

Send them evidence of similar scams

If your aunt or uncle still believes they’ve found “the one” despite your warnings, check to see if they’re being scammed. Use Google to do a reverse image search with any pictures the scammer has sent. If these pictures show up on stock photo websites, it’s a strong sign of a scam.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) suggests searching online for the scammer’s job and checking if others have reported similar scams. For example, search for “oil rig scammer” or “US Army scammer” if they claim to work in these fields.

Ask your parent or relative to get an ID from the person they’re talking to, and check it yourself to see if it’s fake. On Reddit, a user named u/legofhello had his mom ask her scammer for a photo with her name and the date. The scammer couldn’t do it. Once you gather enough proof, show your parent or relative to convince them they are being targeted.

Don’t be confrontational

Talking to your parent about a dating scam is tough. It might seem like you are criticizing them because the scammer might have made them believe they will be together forever.

According to Buzzfeed News, it’s similar to when parents share fake news. To help your parent see the truth, don’t argue with them. Instead, be kind and point out things that don’t make sense in the scammer’s story. Don’t blame your parent for believing it.

If possible, have a friend or family member check on your parent regularly, especially if you don’t live near them. You might also want to watch their credit card statements for any strange charges.

If you think your parent is caught in a dating scam, you have some options. Call AARP’s Fraud Fighter Call Center at 800-646-2283 for advice and help. They can give you tips and connect you with local police if needed.

Also, report the scam to the dating site and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) to help others avoid being scammed too.