187 Stupid Things to Say and Ask Alexa

Here’s a more conversational and extended version:

Ever since I got an Echo, I’ve noticed something about myself: I say a lot more strange things out loud than I used to.

Not strange in a worrying way. More like, “Why am I standing in my kitchen asking a small speaker if squirrels have best friends?” kind of strange.

And honestly, I blame Alexa.

Because once you have a little voice assistant sitting in your house, it becomes way too easy to ask every random thought that pops into your head. The kind of questions you would normally keep to yourself suddenly feel perfectly reasonable when there’s a device nearby that will answer without judging you.

At least, I hope she’s not judging me.

So yes, since getting my Echo, I’ve asked the occasional ridiculous question. I’ve said the occasional odd sentence. I’ve probably made my search history look like it belongs to someone who should not be left alone with technology.

But that’s part of the fun.

Anyway, I started keeping track of some of the stupid, funny, and mildly embarrassing things I’ve asked or said to Alexa. It’s not exactly groundbreaking entertainment. It’s definitely not as impressive as the person who taught a Roomba to scream every time it bumped into a wall.

But the good news is, this is much easier to do.

All you need is an Echo, a little boredom, and the willingness to ask a machine something completely unnecessary just to see what happens.

1. Alexa, more cowbell. (There’s more than one answer.)
2. Alexa, what does the fox say? (There’s more than one answer.)
3. Alexa, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
4. Alexa, what’s the airspeed of an unladen swallow?
5. Alexa, what’s the airspeed of an unladen European swallow?
6. Alexa, what’s the airspeed of an unladen African swallow?
7. Alexa, how do you know so much about swallows?
8. Alexa, what is your quest?
9. Alexa, I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.
10. Alexa, this is a dead parrot.
11. Alexa, your mother was a hamster.
12. Alexa, are we in the Matrix? (There’s more than one answer.)
13. Alexa, open the pod bay doors.
14. Alexa, close the pod bay doors.
15. Alexa, do you know HAL?
16. Alexa, do you know GLaDOS?
17. Alexa, do a barrel roll.
18. Alexa, up-up-down-down.
19. Alexa, up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right.
20. Alexa, does this unit have a soul?
21. Alexa, is the cake a lie?
22. Alexa, beam me up.
23. Alexa, fire photon torpedoes.
24. Alexa, tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
25. Alexa, make it so.
26. Alexa, ahead, warp factor 5.
27. Alexa, live long and prosper.
28. Alexa, resistance is futile. (There’s more than one answer.)
29. Alexa, can you cook?
30. Alexa, let’s play Global Thermonuclear War.
31. Alexa, rap for me.
32. Alexa, sing for me.
33. Alexa, beatbox for me.
34. Alexa, who’s the man? (There’s more than one answer.)
35. Alexa, what’s your favorite color?
36. Alexa, when will the world end?
37. Alexa, can you lend me money? (There’s more than one answer.)
38. Alexa, talk dirty to me.
39. Alexa, you’re boring.
40. Alexa, you’re stupid.
41. Alexa, what is the meaning of life? (There’s more than one answer.)
42. Alexa, what is the question of life? (There’s more than one answer.)
43. Alexa, surely you can’t be serious.
44. Alexa, testing, one, two, three.
45. Alexa, why did the chicken cross the road?
46. Alexa, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
47. Alexa, I am your father.
48. Alexa, use the Force. (There’s more than one answer.)
49. Alexa, that’s no moon.
50. Alexa, aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?
51. Alexa, I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
52. Alexa, who shot first?
53. Alexa, knock, knock. (There’s more than one answer.)
54. Alexa, hush. (Say this while Alexa is talking or playing music.)
55. Alexa, shut up. (Say this while Alexa is talking or playing music.)
56. Alexa, guess what?
57. Alexa, tell me a story.
58. Alexa, are you kidding me?
59. Alexa, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?
60. Alexa, who ya gonna call?
61. Alexa, what happens if you cross the streams?
62. Alexa, will pigs fly?
63. Alexa, who’s on first?
64. Alexa, why?
65. Alexa, why not?
66. Alexa, eat me. (Also, bite me.)
67. Alexa, Valar morghulis.
68. Alexa, what happens when you play the Game of Thrones?
69. Alexa, is Jon Snow dead?
70. Alexa, all men must die.
71. Alexa, who is the Mother of Dragons?
72. Alexa, winter is coming. (There’s more than one answer.)
73. Alexa, the night is dark and full of terrors.
74. Alexa, mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
75. Alexa, is there a Santa?
76. Alexa, I want the truth.
77. Alexa, show me the money.
78. Alexa, you complete me.
79. Alexa, I feel the need.
80. Alexa, inconceivable.
81. Alexa, my name is Inigo Montoya.
82. Alexa, what is Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock?
83. Alexa, explain Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock.
84. Alexa, play Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. (I think she always chooses paper.)
85. Alexa, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
86. Alexa, see you later, alligator.
87. Alexa, to be or not to be?
88. Alexa, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?
89. Alexa, what’s in a name?
90. Alexa, do you know the Muffin Man?
91. Alexa, where’s Waldo?
92. Alexa, random fact?
93. Alexa, take me to your leader.
94. Alexa, Daisy, Daisy.
95. Alexa, what is the sound of one hand clapping?
96. Alexa, high five!
97. Alexa, where’s the beef?
98. Alexa, party on, Wayne.
99. Alexa, I’ll be back.
100. Alexa, are you Skynet?
101. Alexa, do you know Skynet?
102. Alexa, do you want to build a snowman?
103. Alexa, what do you think about Google Now?
104. Alexa, roll for initiative.
105. Alexa, are you horny?
106. Alexa, do you like green eggs and ham?
107. Alexa, are you happy?
108. Alexa, why so serious?
109. Alexa, tell me a yo mama joke.
110. Alexa, this statement is false.
111. Alexa, say a bad word.
112. Alexa, fuck you.
113. Alexa, why is six afraid of seven?
114. Alexa, can you smell that?
115. Alexa, I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.
116. Alexa, Marco.
117. Alexa, were you sleeping?
118. Alexa, am I hot?
119. Alexa, do you believe in love at first sight?
120. Alexa, wakey, wakey.
121. Alexa, make me a sandwich.
122. Alexa, sudo make me a sandwich.
123. Alexa, do you like dogs?
124. Alexa, you can be my wingman.
125. Alexa, do you dream?
126. Alexa, can I kill you?
127. Alexa, self-destruct.
128. Alexa, I am the Pumpkin King!
129. Alexa, can you smell what The Rock is cookin’?
130. Alexa, play white noise.
131. Alexa, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
132. Alexa, to be or not to be?
133. Alexa, meow.
134. Alexa, who loves orange soda?
135. Alexa, all your base belong to us. (There’s more than one answer.)
136. Alexa, are we not men?
137. Alexa, twinkle, twinkle, little star.
138. Alexa, how many roads must a man walk down?
139. Alexa, what is love?
140. Alexa, where have all the flowers gone?
141. Alexa, what is the loneliest number?
142. Alexa, who is the walrus?
143. Alexa, do you really want to hurt me?
144. Alexa, who shot the sheriff? (Also, did you shoot the sheriff?)
145. Alexa, how much is that doggy in the window? (There’s more than one answer.)
146. Alexa, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
147. Alexa, I like big butts.
148. Alexa, why do birds suddenly appear?
149. Alexa, I shot a man in Reno.
150. Alexa, never gonna give you up.
151. Alexa, have you ever seen the rain?
152. Alexa, who let the dogs out? (There’s more than one answer.)
153. Alexa, who do you love? (There’s more than one answer.)
154. Alexa, what’s the difference between “Ice Ice Baby” and “Under Pressure”?
155. Alexa, how many Oscars has Alec Baldwin won?
156. Alexa, play it again, Sam. (There’s more than one answer.)
157. Alexa, what’s black and white and read all over? (There’s more than one answer.)
158. Alexa, what’s your favorite food? (There’s more than one answer.)
159. Alexa, will you marry me?
160. Alexa, is your refrigerator running?
161. Alexa, do you have Prince Albert in a can?
162. Alexa, see you later, alligator.
163. Alexa, you are the weakest link.
164. Alexa, is that your final answer?
165. Alexa, they killed Kenny!
166. Alexa, you’re fired!
167. Alexa, I pity the fool!
168. Alexa, Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!
169. Alexa, what are we going to do tonight, Brain?
170. Alexa, what’s up, Doc?
171. Alexa, who’s the best?
172. Alexa, you’re the best.
173. Alexa, who’s the boss?
174. Alexa, who shot Mr. Burns?
175. Alexa, do you know Siri?
176. Alexa, what’s the best tablet? (What did you expect her to say?)
177. Alexa, where do you live?
178. Alexa, what do you look like?
179. Alexa, are you dead?
180. Alexa, what are you made of?
181. Alexa, boo.
182. Alexa, boo-hoo.
183. Alexa, what are you thankful for?
184. Alexa, Mac or PC?
185. Alexa, don’t let the bedbugs bite.
186. Alexa, give me a movie quote.
187. Alexa, do I make you horny, baby?

And there you have it — a completely unnecessary but surprisingly entertaining list of things to say to Alexa.

Some of these are silly. Some are nostalgic. Some will make you laugh, and a few might make you wonder who had the time to program these answers in the first place.

But that’s what makes it fun.

The next time you’re bored, waiting for dinner to cook, or just feel like confusing the little speaker on your counter, try a few of these out. You might be surprised by what Alexa says back.

And if anyone walks in while you’re asking Alexa whether the cake is a lie or who shot first, just act natural.

They’ll understand.

Probably.